I first saw this image on a friend’s FB page a couple of weeks ago (you can follow her here: https://www.facebook.com/PersiaLawsonLoveCoach/) and it immediately resonated with me. Even more so because she’s a love coach and she posted it saying ‘I needed to hear this today’.
Whilst I initially thought about this in relation to one particular person, the more I have sat on it and waited until I was in a position to blog about it, I realised that it applied to more than just one person in my life.
A few of you reading this will already know that I grew up in a household where there wasn’t a lot of love. My mother has narcissistic personality disorder and therefore wasn’t really able to love any of us in a way that made us feel wanted, safe or secure. For me, this meant that I constantly questioned my self-worth, suffering symptoms of depression from the age of 6 and when I formed friendships I often felt like an outsider and less worthy member of the group. When I was older and started to form relationships with men it was no surprise that more often than not, I would choose emotionally unavailable people who, because of this, could not (or would not) love me.
I took this to mean that there was something wrong with me. That there was something fundamentally unloveable about it and accepted it as my lot. I went on to meet someone in my 20s who changed all that, who genuinely loved me and made me realise that I was worthy of love like everybody else, I just hadn’t had good examples of it until then.
All good right? Well, not really. Eventually our relationship ended (not because of a lack of love) and I fell back into my old patterns of meeting people who weren’t very emotionally available. There was an exception though, I hadn’t wholly fallen back to where I was before….. I had incredible friendships which had grown deeper through the years and I always felt loved by my friends.
Why all the history? It shapes who I am today and where I’m at today. I was with my very lovely friend on Sunday night, the friend who always bails me out when I’m having a bad day, crisis of confidence, childcare issues etc and we were talking about life. Only the day before had this friend come to my house while I was having a crying, snotty, messy fit at not being able to put the bunk beds together by myself – she stayed for 2 hours and saw the job through – it’s now on its 3rd night and the kids haven’t fallen onto each other so I call that a success. We were talking about life and loves and where things were at and I told her that right now, I feel so incredibly loved by my friends. Everyone has been so supportive, generous and kind. They have listened to me weep, rage and all in-between, they’ve recognised when I’ve needed a break and when the kids have needed support. I really couldn’t have asked for better people in my life.
Then it hit me. Really hit me. I am loveable, I am loved and I am not a reflection of those (few) emotionally unavailable people in my life. I am a reflection of those who love me and my children so completely. On some days I look at my finances and situation and feel pretty damned hopeless and then I look at the people around me and know that we’ve got each other, we have everything we need.