Today I saw my Mum for the first time since Christmas and the first time, just the two of us, for a couple of months. I had a reason to drop round when it was just the two of us (other than to use her printer). Today I told her that Stu and I are separating after 9 years together, 2 children and 5 years of marriage.
I was expecting it to be bad. Mum has always been a champion of Stu, particularly as we grew up together so she has known him for as long as I have (32 years). What I wasn’t expecting was the reaction Mum gave: She said that while every marriage break up is sad, the idea that relationships and marriages are forever is completely outdated and instead think of it as relationships having a time period and clearly we had just reached the end of ours. She completely agreed with my wanting to keep it as friendly as we could so the boys could have the benefit of both of us and our families without feeling they had to choose sides.
We discussed various details of separating – finances (there is no money) the cost of divorce (bastard government wanting £550 for you to file it) and practicalities. She’s offered to help out with the kids more – this remains to be seen but I hope so and that they get to build a good relationship with her.
That was it, we talked until there was nothing else to talk about and I left feeling utterly relieved and now, that Mum knows, that it’s been blown wide open. After hiding our separation from everyone barring my closest friends for the last month, it’s nice to know that things are going forward. We won’t tell the kids until we know where Stu will live etc as I don’t want them to worry yet. I know it’s early days and it’s likely that there will be more discussions, more blow ups and more having to tell people but at least we are a little further along the path.